sarahski

I wasn’t really sure to title this post. “Sarah waxes on about friendship, part infinity” didn’t seem quite right.

Matt and I just had an interesting conversation in the car, and so I wanted to blab a little bit. I feel like this might be one of those times where I’m accidentally offensive, which probably means that I should just keep quiet.

My natural tendency is to like people, to care about them, and give them the benefit of the doubt. When we see people, I usually get all smiley afterwards and proclaim to Matt that “we’re going to be friends” – whatever that means.

I’ve said for many years that I want this “best friend” that is the friend that I see periodically, go through life changes with, but that I can always talk to if I need to, or if she needs me. I got her back yo, and she got mine. (For lack of a more eloquent way of putting it)

However, I’ve also learned that this idea just doesn’t work. I am right on the line between introvert and extrovert, and the introverted part of me isn’t good at setting up friendships, while the extrovert really wants to.

This comic, from this person, sums up my interaction with people pretty well.

One major thing I appreciate about my friend Kate is that she’s been so honest about feeling this way too, that being proactive is really hard for her. I think it’s partially because of this that we’ve become pretty good friends. (I consider her one of my closest friends, truthfully)

In the link there, I also talk about how, while I really like the “one friend to rule them all” principle, it usually ends up biting me in the butt, because I choose personality types that don’t meld with mine in the long run.

I’ve been thinking about it – and 300 words into this post, I’m getting to my point here – and it’s not so much that I need a “one ring” friend, so much as I really like what I’d call “meaningful” friendships. My favorite people are those whom I feel like I share a bit of their lives and thoughts and can share mine, likewise. I’m not saying that I want people to share details with me that they’re not comfortable with, but if they have a crappy day, they can tell me about it. Friends that I know really like gummy worms, but maybe not cake, so much. I realize that at this point in my life, when people are growing up, having families of their own and really putting down their career path, this isn’t so easily obtained. And that’s fine. It just makes me super happy when I know that I can talk to someone, because they can talk to me, because we know things about each other.

A couple of friends of mine have become pregnant in the last little bit, and internally, I was quite a bit more excited for one friend. It’s not that I was unhappy for other friend, but I realized that I was very excited for one friend because she had shared with me her desire for children, whereas the other friend really hadn’t. I consider her a friend, but I don’t really know much about her life, which makes it more difficult for me to celebrate life events. If a friendship with someone is based on something static, when that thing is removed or changes, it’s much harder to maintain a friendship. Whereas, if the friendship begins at a point and expands to other things that ebb and flow along with life, I feel like that friendship is more likely to last … not stay the same, but last, nonetheless.

I feel like this post needs an eloquent ending after such rambling. But in order to give it a proper ending, I feel like I’d need to have reached some destination, and I haven’t. I can’t say as I have, this is just another step along the way. Friendships are something that is very important to me, and now I can better define how and why. I really like people. (In certain quantities … I am still an introvert) While I thought that I desired one particular friendship, I realize now that it’s not the case … what I want are a few meaningful friendships, and for those to be reciprocated.

Now that I’ve got all the depth out of the way, wait ’til you hear my conspiracy post about Dr. Pepper …

This is Matt and I at DadSlice’s house. I realize that I’m already losing track of time, because I swore this was the day after the Muse concert in 2009, but for one … Muse was in 2010, and this was taken almost a month later. I fail on all counts.

My inability to keep track of time aside – I always get super pumped when Don comes to town. He lives up north, just far enough away that we only see him 2-4 times a year. I wish I knew Don better. Even still, I consider him someone that I can be honest with, not filter things through the “I’m fine, how are you?” filter. He’s a really nice, intelligent guy. We always have good times with him when he comes to town, and I really like that he makes an effort to see us. Sometimes, I feel a little one-sided in friendships, where I’m trying to chase people down. With Don, I feel like we have a two way street, in which he wants to see us as much as we want to see him.

DonSlice has also got a very nice dad, called DadSlice. DadSlice adds to the DonSlice experience. Sometimes there is Mongolian involved, sometimes DonSlice’s world famous tacos.

Okay, they’re not world famous. But they really are my favorite tacos for some reason.

Alright, so, back from M’s week+ off. Everything I said about not getting the cherokee ’til spring? Yeeeeah. Not so much. M’s dad put tires on it for us from one of their jeeps, and we got an offer on M’s neon, so we went with it. So, like, half of our vacation time was spent in car stuff, just like we didn’t want. But, the whole thing has been sussed out to everyone’s satisfaction, and it’s kind of nice being up that high. We’ve nicknamed the thing the “Ebon Hawk”, after the spaceship in KOTOR.

Other than that, though, we did have a nice week. We played a lot of The Old Republic, watched Dragon Ball, saw a couple of movies, and went out to eat at the French Laundry. The French Laundry has fantastic sandwiches, and is this cute little place in downtown Fenton. The wait is always a little ridiculous because it’s Fenton’s worst kept secret … the wait that particular day was super ridiculous for 2:30 pm. (I guess it’s because they were naming a sandwich after someone and that took up quite a few tables) So yeah. If you’re ever around here, I know a good spot for a reuben.

So, anyway, big topic of the day: Our friends are having kids.
Now, we’ve had one group of friends who, as far as I’ve known them, have always had kids. So I just associate them as having kids, and they’re not friends I see very often anyway, so I guess it’s just not on my radar. My friend Kate had a baby last year, and … I don’t know. I guess I hadn’t known Kate long enough prior to her having Rocketship that it was strange to me.

But now, it’s “the friends group” … and I have to admit, this takes me aback. Now, I’m not slamming the choice to have kids, or saying I’m upset or anything.  But I realize that this opens the floodgate for our group of geeks to start having kids – now that there’s one, I suspect it’ll be in the water. Other friends have mentioned wanting kids soon, which is cool for them.

I guess what’s strange, for me, is upon seeing friends having kids, it highlights my complete void where that desire for kids is ‘supposed’ to be. I can’t say as I even understand that desire. It’s not that I really dislike kids, or think they’re bad. I like them in small doses, but I don’t understand wanting one 24/7, much like I don’t understand why anyone would want a snake for a pet, or want to drive a hummer. The dog and cat are enough work, and I’m not even responsible for turning them into competent citizens.

I feel bad that I don’t want kids, because I feel like I’m supposed to…because most people want them. I know that not having kids, to some degree, means social isolation. Even if I understand parenting theories, and even if I find stories about my friends’ kids interesting, there’s this wall there. Parents want to socialize with other parents, because they want that community. There’s this whole, very important aspect that you don’t share.

So I guess it’s more that I’m afraid with one of our friends having kids, within a few years, it means we won’t have any friends. Is it totally irrational? Maybe. But I don’t exactly have a lot of experience with how babies change relationships…I never had to share with a sibling, so I don’t know how to share my friends, either.

Well, let’s puff out this oreo post with something more light hearted. I got an embossing tool for card making/scrapbooking, and we picked up a laser printer. These two statements aren’t really connected, other than I’m pretty excited about both. The laser printer in particular was an adventure – we went out for an ink cartridge and found that the printer was something like $10 more, ridiculous sale and all. I decided that we should throw it in my trunk, but as it turns out, the trunk freezes. Oh, we got it open okay, but the lobster claw latch stuck in place and wouldn’t stay shut. Thankfully, there was a block of wood in the back and Matt was there to smack the latches into submission. The printer prints SO FAST. We don’t do a *ton* of printing, but when we do print things, it seems like there’s a bunch. Laser printers aren’t supposed to dry up like inkjet cartridges, and they last much longer. So I’m hoping that overall, it’ll be less hassle. Though really, I think it’s worth it just because this printer doesn’t shoot paper on the floor.

- For my God and my faith. I’m thankful for what God’s doing in my life, that we’ve found a church that’s good enough for the time being, and for whatever is to come.

- For my Matt. Because he never remembers to bring me flowers, but he’ll stop for pizza on the way home if I ask. Because he can adapt to my spontaneous whims and my “planned spontaneous” whims. Because he loves me and thinks that I can do anything.

- For my parents. Because they raised me much better than they’ll take credit for. Because they love me unconditionally. Because they make me laugh.

- For my animals. Because they keep me company, and they’re two of the sweetest beings in the world.

- For my friends. 
                   - Kate (& Tim): <3
                   – Don (& Mel): I wish that we were in closer proximity
                   – Michael: Your faith and determination even when struggling inspires me.
                   – The Olsons: In the middle of chaos, you are constant. You’ve always gone above the call of duty, and we appreciate you.
                   - Dave: You are sweet, smart and funny and knowing you makes me happy. Your Dana is also pretty amazing.  
                  – Amanda & Amy: For letting me bowl with you.
                 – Stacy: Thank you for writing for me every week. You are stronger and more talented than you give yourself credit for, and I’m so glad I know you. (& Justin too!)
                 – Rachael: Thank you for the coffee dates, for teaching me so many lessons, and for letting me love you and your kids. 
                – Cylithria: We don’t talk much, but when we do, you always shake up my life in a good way. I have a lot of respect for you.
                - Karen, James, Denny, Adrienne, Autumn, Matt, Shell, Myron, Kev & Mel, Elen Grey, Dezzy, Lolli, Brando, Jacob, JJ, Sheri, and anyone else I might have neglected to mention … I’m so grateful for your place in my life, and there aren’t words to cover how glad I am to know you.

I’m grateful for the roof over my head, for books and music, for good food, for lan parties, for my writers, for every gift and talent I’ve been given…and so much more. But I’d like to go eat breakfast now, so I’ll end here.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel
Six months ago, Matt was knee deep in the dead end job of doom. Long commute, horrible boss, crappy pay. Stuck there for three years, in the Michigan “endless-drain” economy, a way out seemed out of reach. But now he is out, and the commute is a lot less horrible, and he can work hours that are comfortable to him. After insurance, we ended up taking a pay cut to do this, but he’s happier, and that’s a start.

People don’t mature with age
Have you seen the Lee Stranahan/James Chartrand debacle? If you don’t keep an eye on bloggers, you probably haven’t. But the short story is this: Lee is an entrepreneur who was having a rough patch, so he sent out an email to his clients (who had opted in to such emails) explaining his situation, saying that he was running a sale, and if anyone wanted to buy something that he offered, he’d appreciate it. James Chartrand, who is on said list, publically blasted him on her blog – except, she left out his name. Kept all the incriminating details, including direct quotes, but left out his name. Any one of Lee’s clients knew who was being talked about. I know that Lee lost some business as a result, I don’t know what fallout James might take. But to be a professional and blast someone without full disclosure is just cowardly, IMO. Clearly, age does not = maturity.

Don’t photograph weddings for family and friends
Okay, I think I’ve said this before, but I’ll reiterate. Friends and family will never take you as seriously as they will someone they don’t know. You cannot strike the appropriate amount of fear in their hearts. It’s not that I don’t enjoy photographing for friends and family, I just don’t necessarily think it’s a good idea after 3 years of it.

Phones give me anxiety, but I can deal with it
At one time, I was asked to call people and chat with them about their potential websites. Phones make me one stop short of hyperventilation, especially when I don’t know the other person. But I did it, and while I never quite got over that anxious feeling, I discovered that my charisma rolls are decent and I’m not quite phone inept.

I can live without a laptop!
I’ve been a laptop addict for the last 4 years. One day, shortly before my birthday, said laptop died without warning. Since we had just bought me a new desktop, I wasn’t comfortable replacing the laptop. So I decided to see if I could do without one. I really felt like I was breaking an addiction the first few days. I was cranky and there may have been some shaking and sweats in there (ok, I’m kidding), but after a couple of weeks, I adjusted, and it was fine. Laptops are great for being portable, but desktops are so much more powerful. Plus, it’s a lot harder to step on your desktop. In the interest of full disclosure, Matt did recently buy me  a netbook. I specifically asked for something with limited functionality to be a portable writing machine for NaNoWriMo, and that’s exactly what that little netbook is.

It’s better to understand yourself than to keep trying to be what you aren’t
Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to understand what makes me tick, what motivates me, and what kind of schedule keeps me efficient. Not continually forcing myself to fit into a perceived standard has made me get way more done, and I’m way happier for it.

Boundaries hurt
One of my biggest flaws is that I will let people walk over me. I believe it’s in the name of not hurting people, making others happy, and being compassionate. But while I’ve been frequently reminded that it isn’t okay, only this past summer have I slowly started to stand up for myself and establish boundaries. People don’t like it when you go from being silly putty to expecting to be treated like an equal. Apartment complexes don’t like it when you march up to the office several times because you don’t want your animals to suffer with the 90 degree temps and no air conditioning. Enforcing boundaries with people who don’t want boundaries is really hard, but those who love and respect you will come to accept them.

If your words don’t line up with your actions, you’re just a bunch of noise
You can SAY that you’re really strong, but if you can’t break the board, it doesn’t matter much. You can say that you love people and cherish them, but if you don’t treat them that way, it doesn’t matter much. You can’t not be real. It’ll come out eventually.

You can’t predict what will happen, but it’ll all work out in the end, anyway