sarahski

I’ve been thinking lately about how I choose my friends, and what kind of girls I end up with that way. I don’t want to be seen as clingy, and I play mental games involving when it’s socially acceptable to invite people to do things, and don’t want to alienate by making the wrong decision, so I end up taking a very passive role in friendships. That means, I end up befriending people who are more aggressive, more dramatic … have more of a ‘firecracker’ personality. I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s just that, I’ve had a pattern with these types of friends, and it works out extremely well for a while, but in the long run, the personality type and mine don’t work. It’s not that I would ever exclude someone with this personality type from being  a friend, but I think I’d be very cautious before investing much in that friendship.  

However, I’ve also had plenty of friendships that time and life just slowly creeped away. Sort of like when you play the Sims, if you don’t maintain a friendship, it will downgrade after a while. This isn’t a bad thing, but it happens.

There is someone who I’ve known for almost two years now, and I’ve gotten to spend more time with her this last year. I think her personality and mine are quite similar, and for me, that’s made it a lot easier. I wish I’d put more points into building that friendship sooner, because as it turns out, she’s intelligent and wise, funny and caring. More than any friendship I can remember, I feel like this one goes back and forth, smoothly, like pong. I feel like things are easy and uncomplicated with her, and yet she, like me, wants to improve herself and struggles with some of the same things I do. It works. I’ve wanted to tell her how incredibly much I like her for a while now, but dog gone it, I feel so awkward doing so. (Mostly because, as I think she’d understand, I’m still afraid that she doesn’t reciprocate and :wheeeeeeze: now I just look creepy.)

I don’t know if we’ll be sitting on a porch when we’re 80, cackling over novels and tea together. But I very much enjoy her friendship now, and that’s important, isn’t it? I hope that in the long run, I am as good of a friend to her, as she has been to me.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 1st, 2011 at 10:00 am and is filed under Personal, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.