sarahski

I don’t know how to frame everything that happened this year. It was like I went to the most extraordinary buffet in my life, indulged in everything, and then came down with such a bad case of food poisoning that I wound up in the hospital. So my view of the buffet is completely tainted by what happened after. The best way I can put it is that I learned some incredibly valuable, life-changing lessons, but they came at such a high price.

Usually, when I look back on a year with personal disappointment, it’s because I didn’t try. This is entirely different. I poured out my time, my talent, my heart and soul. But I poured it into the wrong place. I made the best decision I knew how at the time, and there was no way that I could have foreseen how terribly it would backfire. So I can’t even be angry at myself. On the one hand, I’m now a thousand times more certain that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to. My self esteem has forever been my Achilles heel, and over the last couple of months, that has just dissolved. I finally realize that I am strong and capable, and that is priceless. However, there’s the fact that I gave so much, and I have nothing to show for it. 

One thing I’ve learned? To be careful about where I put my effort. Never again will I give more of ME than I can afford to lose.

Poor decisions can go a long way. I remember one time when I was quite young, some paint got spilled into the curb in our neighborhood. The paint trickled down the curb, went down the street, around the corner, and so on. When you make a poor decision, it doesn’t go away immediately, and it might very well touch others, too. Such was the case this year. Some things are not so easily remedied as others.

A second lesson. Be very judicious about who you let have influence in your life. 

Once upon a time, when I was 14 years old, I took the songs of my favorite band and began de-constructing their lyrics. For about two years, I wrote a weekly tidbit for an audience, and it had purpose. Though it was a big deal at that time, I forgot about it until just a few weeks ago. I realize that I wrote a lot of fluff this past year in my quest to find my focus and maintain whatever self imposed posting schedule. I think I’m wandering back to my niche’, and I’m even more excited about the imminent splitting of the two websites than I was before.

The Geeky Wives is going to be more of a creative hotspot. Four talented young women, it’s going to be about us, about our lives, our passions, and our various creative outputs. I’m really excited about it, because I envision us with recipes, stories, advice, how-to’s, and I think this thing is going to be great. I imagine that over time, you’ll see how we grow and change, and I couldn’t be more excited about it.
SarahSki, as I’ve mentioned, is going to morph into my personal website. I’ve been a bit leery about it, because I don’t want it to be some sort of personal venting ground. This site will contain whatever I feel doesn’t fit into the vision of the Geeky Wives. But more than that, I aim to write more things with a purpose, things that are more thought-provoking and compelling. I’m aiming for quality over quantity, and I hope that these endeavors turn out even half as well as I’m picturing them.

I’ve been doing a lot of introspective thinking this month, thanks to Reverb10. Some of the exercises have taken me places I didn’t intend, and forced me to put names to and face up to this year in ways I didn’t want to. The effect has been something of a good exfoliation. I feel a little raw, a lot vulnerable, but I feel clean.

I’ve never taken the time to mindfully wind down a year before, and I’m so glad that I did. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am for 2011. There are things in mind that I’m not only eager to work on, but prepared for. I want to try my hand at making candles and soap this year, because hey – why not?  I’ve got blank canvases and camera memory cards. My shelf is full of unread books and there’s a year of possibilities ahead. I hope you’ll share my journey, too.

So, all that being said, it’s not that I queued this up on the wrong day, like I did with Tuesday’s double posts. I’ve decided to take next week off. I think a girl is entitled to do that once a year or so, right?

Monday, January 3rd, the Geeky Wives site will go live, and that site will take over the T-W-TH schedule as well. I’ll have a link here when we’re ready to let you have a sneak peak, but for all intents and purposes, regular posting will resume on the 4th.

Thank you all for sharing this year with me. For all the scrapes and bruises, I recognize that I am completely blessed, and I am so glad to have had your company. I look forward to starting a new year together, and I wish you all a very happy and safe week.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 23rd, 2010 at 6:00 am and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.